Things I no longer need
November 7, 2024
I’m on an eviction binge. Not like the rotten Michael Shannon character in 99 Homes (clip below), who puts people out on the street so he can flip their houses. This movie is streaming on internal territory. Instead of hard-pressed families, the “victims” are parts of myself that I’ve been truckin’ around for years and am finally determined to cut loose.
In David Letterman style, we’ll start with number 5 on the list: an excess of caution. At number 4, there’s longing for things I can’t have and/or don’t need. Next at number 3 we find my BAD habit of surfing online junk, which often leads me straight to the useless anger that grabbed the number 2 spot. Finally, at number 1, we have anxiety, aka angst, worry, insecurity, twitchiness, willies, yips, and cold sweat. (The last sentence was written with help from wordhippo.com.)
I didn’t become aware of this stuff overnight. It’s never been crippling and is all pretty common. Writers in particular are prone to perpetual unease and immense self-doubt. I’ve still knocked out a few hundred of these posts, a batch of short stories, and a novel I hope to publish soon.
However, starting a new decade of life has inspired me to deep-six anything that could keep me from living it to the fullest. Unlike Lady MacBeth, I know these damned spots won’t exit my psyche if all I do is I say “Out!” so I’m setting up a few guardrails.
When I write, I leave my phone in the other room so I’m not tempted to scroll and get depressed. I’ve disconnected the reflex that whispers, “Wait a minute” when people suggest something new or different. And I remind myself to be grateful for what I have, even right now.
I was mired in a post-election funk the other day when my wife asked if I wanted to go for a walk, and I almost said, “no thanks.” Then I thought about last year, when she couldn’t walk after breaking her foot and I would have given anything on earth if we could just take a little stroll down our street.
Needless to say, I shook off the blues and joined her. The process I’m going through now is like that, one foot in front of the other. I’m also grateful for you, my readers, and hope this kind of post is helpful, but next time I’ll try for something on the lighter side. Take care.
Originally published at http://daveswanauthor.wordpress.com on November 7, 2024.
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