A pandemic diary: Sex and violence and then some
July 29, 2020
Six feet apart beats six feet under. Apart: Good. Under: BAD. Repeat until you’re saying it in your sleep.
Want to liven up a Zoom call? Say, “Raise your hand if you’re wearing pants!”
Those who reject masks, vaccines, and science should be required to wear tinfoil on their heads at all times so the rest of us can steer clear.
If you still trust Trump’s Twitter feed, Google “Sex with demons” and see what pops up. Really. (Hint: this is the aforementioned sex.)
If you can’t wait to see young men play football when a deadly virus is everywhere, you probably would’ve appreciated the Roman gladiators. (Hint part 2: this is sort of violent.)
Working from home means you can never set your email for “Out of office.”
A lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client. A man who cuts his own hair has a bigger one.
People panic if someone blows out the candles on a birthday cake, yet they’ll scarf up takeout the cook might have sneezed on.
The people packing the bars are like the amateur drinkers who ruin St. Patrick’s Day. Please let the professionals get hammered in safety!
We’ll never reach herd immunity when the herd is made up mostly of lemmings and cats.
I wish I’d bought stock in pajamas,* Valium, seeds and fertilizer, sewing machines, bread machines, “Zoom for Dummies,” and box wine in BIG-ass boxes.
*This means, “purchased shares in manufacturers of sleepwear,” not “blew a small fortune on E-Trade while sitting around in my new Gap PJs.”
More from the diary
Originally published at http://davesswan.wordpress.com on July 30, 2020.
